Elvis has left the Vampires

Elvis and his parents are buried at Graceland.

The following is an account of a strange dream I once had.

One night myself and a mortician are driving a pickup down a path hidden deep in the forest.

Attached to the truck is a coffin carrying the body of the King of Rock Roll, Elvis Presley.

Through the woods we go, on our way to the next town where Elvis will lie in state to give mourning fans a chance to pay their last respects. As we wind our way around a curve, the mortician says “Pull over I need to freshen his makeup.”

So I pull the vehicle over and we get out and approach the coffin. The mortician begins to apply makeup to the King’s face when suddenly, his eyes spring open.

He sits up and stares at us with glowing eyes. He then gives the famous Elvis lip curl but instead of seeing those pearly white Elvis teeth, fangs are displayed.

The King begins to climb out of the coffin and the chase is on. Before I know it I’m “All Shook Up” because there’s a young vampire Elvis chasing me with a bad case of vampire “Burning Love.”

I begin to run for my life through the forest with the “Devil in Disguise” behind me.

After putting some distance between me and him, I paused and looked up to the sky only to see a “Flaming Star” near the “Blue Moon.”

I knew that there would be “Ghost Riders in the Sky” soon if I did not get out of the forest and find the “Green Green Grass of Home.”

Before I could figure out my next move, I heard Elvis singing “Help Me Make it Through The Night.”

“I refused to become “His latest Flame” and I begin to run again, all the time telling myself, “I’ll be Home for Christmas.”

After running for what seemed like hours I found a ravine and attempted to hide.

I buried my head in my hands and begin to try and figure out my next move when suddenly there he was, the young vampire Elvis singing, “I want You I Need I Love You.”

For the moment I was out of options and I didn’t know what to do. His glowing eyes and vampire teeth came closer. I thought well It’s "Now or Never.” And with that I made a cross with my fingers and aimed it at him and screamed, “You ain’t nothing but a Hound Dog.”

Before I knew it the “Kentucky Rain” begin to fall and Elvis began singing “Your Killing Me Softly.”

I prayed that he would “Return to Sender.” Suddenly he began to look like a “Teddy Bear” and my mind became suspicious but I knew that my finger cross had worked and that this story was not going to end up like a tale out of a Heartbreak Hotel.”

Within minutes the vampire Elvis had lost that loving feeling and returned to the dead. 

I found my way back to the vehicle, the mortician was nowhere to be found, so I unhitched the coffin and headed to the next journey in my life knowing that this event will be “Always On My Mind.”